What Am I Supposed To Do Now?

I think the question above is the most asked question of 2020.

Every single person in the world right now has probably asked themselves this question, because life is so unpredictable since COVID-19 sprouted. For me personally, I ask myself this question on the daily in regards to my career and professional life. I think the last time I felt this turned around was right after I graduated from college and wasn't sure what I wanted to do in the big world.

Being furloughed has thrown me through a loop (...LOL). When you are let go or furloughed during a normal time (a.k.a....not during Corona) you instantly know what to do, which is to get back out there and find a new job. But finding a new job during this time is close to impossible. A few months ago when I was first furloughed, I didn't even bother hunting for a new job because I knew that almost no companies were out hiring people. Now, when I look through LinkedIn or other job sites, I see a lot more being posted since certain areas are starting to open up again.

The past almost 5 months have given me a lot of perspective on what I want to do career wise and what makes me happy. It's made me think a lot about the photography/advertising industry that I have been working in for almost 5 years now and if it is a career I want to continue to pursue. Since March I've been given this weird once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to ask myself these questions and to really focus on that area of my life. If I am being honest with myself, I'm not sure if I want to continue with the career that I've started or if I want to go into a completely different direction. And that unknown is really scary. I know that that the of my life created a massive amount of anxiety and negativity. I've had some absolutely incredible experiences traveling the world, meeting so many creative people, and learning a lot about myself, but there have also been many negatives; like any job.

Now what a lot of people would say to me is that a job is a job and no job is entirely going to make you happy, and I understand that. I've grown up being told this for most of my life. I don't expect to 100% love what I end up doing; every single career path has positive and negative moments and seasons...nothing is ever perfect or easy. However, I would like to at least take a stab at focusing on an a career that makes me excited and that I am passionate about. I'd rather not wake up with an anxiety attack or be up at all hours of the night with anxious thoughts. That's not what I want or need in my life.

So here I am -- on this strange path to figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life, again. I have felt all of the feelings, frustration, eagerness, laziness, sadness, happiness, etc. It's a constant flow of emotions. One minute I feel like I know what route I want to take, and then I suddenly start thinking about how they aren't realistic or just not right for me. I'm exhausted and at times I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment. I haven't felt this unclear about my life in a very long time and I almost wish that someone else could tell me what to do because I feel like I can't do it myself right now.

But then...my grandma sent me this:

This little message was sent to me at a great time. I needed to read these words to myself and take them in. "It's okay. You're going to be okay. Just breathe." And you know what? It's true. And you know another thing!? I tell myself and others these words all of the time and I just realized that I need to listen to them. It's time to breathe and take a thing at a time. This is a very overwhelming season in my life, but I have to trust that my heart and brain will point me in the direction I am meant to go toward.

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What I want to know: Are any of you in the same boat right now in terms of being jobless during COVID-19?